The Countdown

The Countdown

So I’ve been doing this countdown for the past few weeks on Facebook that’s been counting down to today. The short story is that today is payday. Plain and simple. The long story is a bit more complex than that.

My partner and I have been running this real estate marketing “startup” for years now. At first, for me, it was something to “kill the time” until I found something else more up my alley. A way to help my partner get his business up and running, and for me to take a break from office politics, fear mongering bosses, and a work schedule as rigid as my old boss’s… well, you get the point.

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Three Years Later…

Every time I visit the ocean, it makes me feel a little bit more connected to my mom. She may have passed away 3 years ago today, but somehow I feel she’s right next to me when I sit there along Ocean Beach looking out at the water. I still think about her every day. Miss you, mom.

Missing Mom, One Year Later

On the one year anniversary of my mom’s passing to pancreatic cancer, I drove to Golden Gate Bridge and tossed a little more than 120 daisies (my mom’s favorite flower) over the bridge into the Pacific, and said a few words in her honor. She’s always been, and always will be, the strongest person I’ve ever known. She will be missed more than I could even attempt to put into words.

Saying Goodbye, Still…

Saying Goodbye, Still…

I expected to be here in Dade City, Florida for 5, 6, maybe even 7 days tops. Turns out, I’m going to be here for two weeks on the dot. I leave tomorrow (Friday the 28th) around 2:30 in the afternoon. Not that I should be surprised in the least, but after the doctors told my family and I that my mom wouldn’t make it past the (first) weekend, she’s lasted two weeks longer. Over the past two weeks, she’s had plenty of ups and downs, but it’s obvious that she’s not going to last much longer.

I feel overwhelmingly guilty about leaving her side and heading back home, but I don’t really have much of an option. I have to get back to work and get back to my life. Not only that, but I found out that my mom didn’t want anyone “hanging around while she was dying”. Like always, she was both proud and protective. It’s always been like her to not want to show any sign of weakness.

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Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

Disclaimer: I’m typing this as I’m in my mother’s hospice room. I haven’t seen her for almost 8 months and she’s half the weight she was when I last saw her. I’m watching her die. Everything below is just being typed as it comes to mind. I can’t guarantee that any of it is going to make any sense.

I don’t usually open up about myself or my family or, well, pretty much anything when it comes to my emotions. At least, not anything of any substance. I’ll bitch and moan and groan about politics and religion and the usual bullshit, but try to find out something about my childhood and you’d be hard pressed to find someone, anyone, who could tell you more than “Marquis was a quiet kid”. I guess now, when I’m watching my mother die on the bed in front of me, is as good a time as any to open up about why my mom, born Josephine Ann Wysocki (then Kish, and now Kelley) has always been and will always be the strongest person I know.

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